Mormons and ex-Mormons

[Sarah Trachtenberg]

Hi Diddly Ho Atheisterinos,
Now that I'm watching Big Love (thanks to whomever recommended that show to me-- it is so awesome!), I'm more interested in Mormonism, and in the context of atheism, people who have left Mormonism. I've been in touch with some of these people in the past, but I'd love to hear from more of them. Drop me a line about your experiences.
Sarah

Not My God

[Richard J. Collins]

You want the 911 on Mormons? Boy do I have a web site for you.

http://www.exmormons.com

This is a long running web site for exMormons and people trying to find a way out of the trap. There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of personal narratives. They come from everywhere and include bishops and elders. I don't watch Big Love, but if you want the truth about this cult the web site created by people who left is where you are apt to get the truth.

Atheist social activists should pay attention to the recovery sites on the web. They are a good place to recruit allies and find the weaknesses and chinks in the armor of organized religion. Nothing like inside information.

[Sarah Trachtenberg]

Thanks, Richard:)
Are you yourself an ex-Mormon? (one little typo and that would be ex-Moron)

[Joshua Gray]

What kind of experiences are you looking for? If you are looking for someone to bounce a few questions off, or just good content for your book perhaps I could provide a bit of content. If this is the same Sarah, and I believe it is, I am watching you as I write this, over Ustream. Nice act! Very good skeptic content.

I have grown up, raised as a Mormon and still living in the heart of Utah. I did "serve time" as a preacher for the religion. I would say the experience really opened my eyes. I really started looking further into religion then and still continue to do so. What you are doing intrigues me. I have just taken a look at your site. I have discussed my true feelings with my love, my wife, but still have not come completely "out" to all of my family as they are still faithful Mormons. If they looked close they may be picking up a few things. There are books laying around the house I'm reading such as Michael Shermer, Richard Dawkins and such. It appears there is a lot more to read at your site. I will be doing that, and probably post a follow-up.

[Sarah Trachtenberg]

HI Joshua,
Thanks for responding. It's great that you saw my comedy act. I worked really hard on it! Even though I didn't win the contest, I had a rewarding experience.
I'm interested in whatever you have to say about growing up Mormon, leaving Mormonism, becoming an atheist, etc.
Is it all right if I quote you (from your first message) on my site?
Warmly,
Sarah

I have grown up, raised as a Mormon and still living in the heart of Utah. I did "serve time" as a preacher for the religion. I would say the experience really opened my eyes. I really started looking further into religion then and still continue to do so. What you are doing intrigues me. I have just taken a look at your site. I have discussed my true feelings with my love, my wife, but still have not come completely "out" to all of my family as they are still faithful Mormons. If they looked close they may be picking up a few things. There are books laying around the house I'm reading such as Michael Shermer, Richard Dawkins and such. It appears there is a lot more to read at your site. I will be doing that, and probably post a follow-up.

[Richard J. Collins]

No way. I am a lifelong freethinker, although I was raised in Western Colorado where the Mormons were pretty common. My first wife was a Mormon (Australian, though) and her church married us, but not in church. I had to go through a demeaning interview with the head deacon which was intended to convert me. That marriage lasted four and one half years and we split up more or less because of differences over her insistence that any children we had would be raised Mormon. I would not agree. From time to time my life path has intersected with Mormons and I never thought too much of them.

Sarah Trachtenberg said:

Thanks, Richard:)
Are you yourself an ex-Mormon? (one little typo and that would be ex-Moron)

[Todd]

Hi Sarah,

I just found the Atheist Bloggers site, and I saw your post. I was a fifth generation mormon. My great great grandfather converted in Wales, England, and hoofed it across the plains to Utah where I grew up. I stopped going to church when I was eighteen when I started to really feel the pressure to go on a mission.

At the time, my family situation was rapidly deteriorating, and my goal was to finish school, get a job, and move out. A mission simply seemed out of the question, since it would postpone this goal by two years. Of course, I received no support for this decision from friends or family. In many ways, this experience was the culmination of growing up in the church.

There were a number of people who stopped talking to me because I was not going on a mission. These were people who knew how bad my family life was, people who had offered no real support to me as I was growing up, people whose only attempt to "help" me was to tell me to pray about it. As more of this happened, the true ugliness of mormonism became apparent. The manipulation and the need for control became much more obvious.

I eventually stopped going to church altogether, but it was a while before I started to read books which presented a much different viewpoint than what I had been raised with. I undertook a fairly involved study of all religions. I studied my way into catholicism only to study my way out of it within a couple of years. Finally, moving through agnosticism, to atheism, to outright anti-theism.

It is hard to find out that many of the things you were told as a child is an outright lie. It is harder still to shake off all of the dysfunctional behaviors that you learned growing up. I know plenty of ex-catholics who still have a mountain of residual guilt left over from their childhood.

I still have plenty of family who are active mormons. My grandfather's funeral two years ago was the first time I had seen many of them in twenty years. Things were generally friendly. The uproar over my "falling away" having long since died down. We simply avoided the subject, and left it at that.

Hope this helps.
Todd

[Sarah Trachtenberg]

Thanks, Todd. Is it all right if I quote your story, and if so, do you want to be anonymous?
Sarah

[Todd]

Sure. Quote away. I'm glad you found it useful.

No real preference as for being anonymous. First name only is fine.

Todd

[Joshua Gray]

Very happy to contribute, no need to be anonymous.

[The California Atheist]

I removed my records from the Mormon church when I was 22 (now 24) after being an official member of the church since 12 years of age. There is a saying among many former Mormons, that is "party like an ex-Mo" for when we truly leave the church (removing ones records as opposed to simply being inactive). Partying like an ex-Mo -- ex-Mormon -- is the celebration one partakes in, whether alone or with like-minded friends, where you usually drink an alcoholic beverage and blaspheme against the church! :-)
But honestly, it seems more like an emotional party than a physical one. For those who have removed their records, many of them were previously inactive members for a period of time so have already "partied" in ways that directly contract church teachings.

I could go into much more detail about the LDS church and what drove me away, and while I'm always open to further discussion on this topic, I must say that looking back I realize I was never 100% convinced about a deity at all. This occurred even AFTER being inactive and seeking out alternate non-denominational churches. I even went to the point of seeking out other religions, and while I started becoming interested in the Eastern religions such as Buddhism, I couldn't quite part with that feeling of trying to convince myself a deity existed at all. Secure in my Atheism NOW, I finally saw my fall from religion in the making, only then I just didn't know what that feeling was and what do to with it. Coupled with many disagreements on how the church was ran and the "policies" it incorporated, I'm not surprised at all that I embraced Atheism, as I was practically leaning towards Agnosticism as a teenager to early adult-hood!

(Hmm... good topic, too! I might just copy and paste what I wrote here to my blog! *lol*)

[The California Atheist]

Todd said:

...people whose only attempt to "help" me was to tell me to pray about it.

Goodness, your experiences within and throughout leaving the church closely paralleled mine, the obvious difference being that as a female I was not pressured into a mission. But let me say, as you and any other ex-Mormon will know, the emphasis on a young woman to "wait" for a return missionary was extreme. Return missionaries were deemed more worthy for marriage and were the epitome of everything a young woman should look for in a husband. It's quite frightening that the topic of marriage even came UP before a man or a woman had even found a person to date.

But to actually respond to the small section of your post which I actually quoted you from, I can still hear the echoes of many a church leader in my ears, telling me that "fasting and praying will you give the answer." Even then I never fasted and my prayers were half-assed (see why in my above post) but I still went back for answers, seeking something more tangible that what my imagination could decide was the solution. Every time, like clockwork, it was the same repetitive devout message perhaps with a little bit of fluff and a different scripture thrown in every time.